day 19 of breakup

i am better today =) and i hope tomorrow will be much better....

today, i miss his long hair... miss how i always played with his hair...

i recalled how last week i went to his workplace ... how much i wanted to put some snacks on his car... and how scary it was to try finding his car in the night and realized his car is nowhere to be found.

recall the calls i made and how it was eventually directed to his voicemail. and for the first time in my life i left him a voice mail.

that's was me last week. i am sorry for messing things up... even after the breakup.

so what really happen that makes me feel better?

love again. but love for him , and my wish for him to be happy =)

i joined a forum a few days again... and shared my story with lots of heartbroken souls... they encouraged me ... and at the same time, made me face up to the truth...

he is never ever coming back to my side anymore.

and reason? on the day 19 of breakup, i still have no idea what's the reason is...

but i realized... its no longer important anymore...

all i need to know now is that he has made a right choice to leave me...

two days ago... i went to vivocity to meet barney for dinner... as i enter the ladies after the meal... i recalled how bad i was to him...

that day, we had our usual bak ku teh and movie... everything was going well... but i throw a tantrum when he tried to poke my face with his fingers... i got angry and really angry... and throughout the trip back... we are both equally unhappy... it's suppose to be a happy outing for the two of us... but i spoiled it because i got angry.

then today, i recalled another incidents where i cried in the middle of the light... i dun know why it happened... but he got pissed off and say he will go home... what the hell am i doing this to him? i am really a devil. why do i always make things turn ugly...

and i realized how bad i was to him... and i thank him for leaving me... because i dun want to be a devil again...

but i am not a devil all the time too.

dinner was great today because i get to eat butter crab at the coffee shop near my aunt house... i remembered how i used to peel the shell.... and how i will crack those shell for him so that he can eat without getting his hand itchy. so i was once a angel too.

but i was an angel, not most of the time.

day 19, and he is not coming back anymore.

to haw :

please dun be sorry that you entered my life .... because i have to thank you for staying by my side for two years =) and even thou things might have changed. i will keep the memories with me for as long as i live... because that's the only things that belong to me and you now =)

please be happy and i will never ever interrupt your life again.