Love

Our Love.

分手後才懂的珍惜。 我是傻瓜嗎？

對， 我是那個傻瓜。

The only way to move on and forget about him, is to go through the past, for once, think real hard, seal up the memories, smile that it happens and then move on.

Our memories. It may hurts thinking back. But smile because it happens =)

11/15/2008 Huiyu 21^st Birthday Party.

Our very first encounter. Back then, xiao xue was recovering from a broken relationship. She is learning to love again… then came a group of guys, whom huiyu and qiqi always talk about. The JBK… We asked for their names one by one… none of them caught my attention. Except his…

xue: 你的名字。。

haw ： yihao

xiao xue took a quick peek at him.. well, he doesn’t look like the yeehaw who used to have to bucked teeth, super dark and super short. :P

But that was him for sure.

For the whole night we didn’t really talk to each other… until we were being grouped into groups for games… We both ended up in the same group… it was fate that brought us closer.

We then started to add each other on Friendster, Facebook and eventually on MSN.

That’s how its always start.. Wasn’t it? Simple and sweet.

Then finally, at yaya house. Xiao xue told keaimen that she feels a thing for yee haw…

At the same night… huiyu showed me his super long and curly hair photo.. that was him… unbelievable … but still I find it sweet.

I was on the plane.. and I thought about lots of things… I realized I no longer think about uncle… in fact, another him keep popping up in my mind… for the many days at korea… whenever there’s a terminal for use… I will quickly logged in and check out my facebook… and finally, I saw something that really makes my day…

我們就是這樣開始的。

that day, he made up some excuses so that he can fetch me from qq house and go east coast park together... well, i gave him the chance for the excuse, cause i cant wait to go out with him too.

Then we were being kind of caught red-handed by JBK... But everyone went to shake his hands and congrats him for finding a good girl... Am i really a good girl after all?

We continue to sms, almost every seconds... and i was really happy=) we were sweet, simple and we love each other...

Our first obstacle came.... when i was at hongkong... but we brave through it together. we gave chances, we embrace and we continue to love each other. Because our love was simple and sweet.

14／2／2009 我一生中最開心的一天。Our love was simple. We both feel a thing for each other. He hand-made 99 roses for me. i was touch. Happy , cause 我是世界上最幸福的人。

我們很開心，很開心。

15／3／2009

that night, when he drove me back home, he asked me to be his girlfriend. i said yes =)

we are meant to be together... he was so happy that he gave me a kiss on my cheek. We were both happy because we had each other...

the very same year, we celebrated each other birthdays together, we attended wedding together... he folded 99 stars for my birthday... occasionally , he gave me cute little bears... he visited me at hall or home whenever he had the time... we were sweet and simple.

then we started to quarrels.. more often.. i was mad at him for not cleaning his teeth .... he was made at me sometimes because i am always being overly paranoid... i complained about him being blur, he complained about me being fierce, he complained... he did told me, but i didn't listen. my love was simple. yes we complained but we love each other... and i placed love above everything and anything. i thought love will brings us though the many obstacles... i thought so.

we forgive each other, we brought babies out whenever we are free... we wanted to have a baby as cute as nini... back then , we wanted to be in each other future, because of love.

i accompanied him back home whenever possible.. cause deep in my heart, i know he hope that i can be like his brother's girlfriend.. i can interact more with his family members and they will like me more... both of us hope that our family will like our partners.. because we have plans then to be in each other future, we will get marry , have kids and have our own family.

On our 6 months, Sept 15 2009, i happily marked the day on e diary.

Back then , i was still in school... i studied hard to pull my grades... and he was there for me as always.

Dec 9 to 13 2009 - Bangkok Trip

At the end of the year, we went on a Bangkok trip... people often say that a trip will determine if the person is right for you... and the trip makes me love him more...We happily shopped... shopped and shared the fundue at Swensens. It was really sweet. and i really look forward to another trip with him =) I brought lot of cards at Bangkok... those that are really sweet. then i brought two little devils.. one for the guy and one for the girl... i am planning that one day, we will sit down and write something for each other. he took lots of photos... but in the end, i didn't manage to get even one... i was really upset when he said that when he reformatted his computer, he might have accidentally erased it... Perhaps, at the same time, erased our happy memories together. i was upset, but i did not cry because he said that we can always go back and take more pictures. i was happy because, it means that we will still be together in the future. What am i thinking. of course we will be in each other future.

I always wanted a card from him .... always and i still hope for it now. Thou it will never be for me anymore.

In January, we had a big fight... so much that he didnt call... until his mother called... and finally after a week, we were okay again... because we love each other still.

Finally we are one. we were together for a year =) he brought a cake to celebrate... i still remembered, cheesecake from breadtalk. We didn't go out for any celebration, i waited for him at home after his work... it was a simple celebration. But sweet... because we love each other.

We brought a diary from Art Box. i really like the diary and he said he wanted it too... then we each brought home one and wrote something at the back of the diary.

He wrote :

We are like magnets, repelling us off each other with the differences of thinking, hobbies, background, qualifications, way of handling things and many more. However magnets will stick to each other so hand when a steel was between them. And this represents our love for each other that attracts us together. And this force will never go away!!!

Yes, we might be different, but still, we love each other. And the force never go away.

While i was typing this, i typed another in my phone and smsed him. i asked if the steel was stolen, robbed or rusted? But still i wan to know the reason for the breakup.

Then finally, in april, i had my last paper. =)

On the first week on may, we happily went to genting to celebrate his birthday =) I gave him a couple watch.... =) Because we are an couple. And we will be there for one another... no matter what. I love u.

perhaps, the watch may means nothing to him now. but i still hope that one day, when he took out the watch, he will somehow remembers me =) Remember that there's a girl who is still waiting for him... we may be miles apart. But the distance didn't stop me from loving him less.

In may, i went for another trip with my friends to taiwan... we have a fight again and i cried. i was upset that he didnt tell me things... but instead told my other friend... but when i learnt that it was meant to be a surprise, i really regrets... i should have waited and listen to his explanation... but still, we love each other ...i brought lots of things for him... and each time i was really happy doing so.

For those in love, perhaps you will understand how i was feeling that time... Buying things for someone you love seems to be more happy then buying things for yourself... =)

Then i was waiting for the next phase of my life. My working life. But as i read through my blog, i realized we had a quarrel then. we almost break up but we didn't, because we love each other.... we gave in, we hug, we kiss and we give in. After two weeks, we are back again together. Cause we love each other.

Love, our love was strong enough then... we compromise, we give in, we tried to adapt and we learn to love one another thou we have much differences.

The differences didn't make me love him any lesser.

Am i really a possessive girlfriend? i went to his profile... and saw his friends comments...

" so u can go to muar with us"

Then , some thoughts surfaced... just a few months ago, we had a quarrel... his friend had certain comments on me and it makes me really upset. Why do all his friends think of me this way... am i really such a person? Am i really that possessive? its okay to be mistaken ... cause having the chance to be mistaken is better than not having any more.

I am sorry, friends , if i ever hold him too tight. But its okay, he is no longer with me. I dun even have the chance to share anymore.

I am sorry too if i ever hold you too tight. I am sorry, my dear.

29 July 2010

My convocation. i am finally out from university. =) and i am happy that he came ... i want him to be there to witness all my happiness. Likewise, i hope i can be there for all his happiness too.

Oct 15 to 20

We went for our first taiwan trip.

it was as sweet as before. i took him to yangmingshan , hoping that he will be able to take super nice shots. but it took us the whole afternoon .... we didn't get the outcome we wanted. but we were happy...

But is taiwan really cursed for xue? Why do all my boyfriends leave me after we went taiwan together. This is the third time.

i choose to go because i love him and he love me. and our love was strong enough to overcome everything.

That's what i thought, but not in reality.

Dec, we went for our first cruise. we kissed and took picture. the sweetest moment. i want to play this as one of the photo for the photoslides when we got married =) We planned to go europe for honeymoon.

Christmas 2010. we did not celebrate together. he had to work shift. but i was happy. because i had him with me.

Newyear 2011. Again we did not celebrate. because of his work again. But i was happy still, because i still had him with me.

CNY we had a big quarrel last year. but this year we were really sweet. =) i accompanied him while he played hours of games with his friends. but still, it was sweet. i l left him a note in the jar... hoping that he will find it one day and smile at it.

but it didn't takes long for him to discover it... he gave me three kisses and said love me.

i was happy because we love each other.

But little did i realized that while our love was there... there's lots of problem we faced. i throw my temper at the slightest things... i cried, we quarrel in the middle of the night...

14 Fed 2011.

Our third valentine together. i am really happy that we came so far. i was feeling uneasy because i have an interview in the afternoon.. we watched just go with it.. little did i know it became our last movie together... we had Madonald for lunch... he drove me to interview. but on the way back, he beat the traffic light and i was angry... we fought and i return back to the same spot to see if there's a camera. i was silly , really silly.

on my way back , i thought about getting dinner for him. but i didnt... i return to see him playing his computer.. i asked if he wanna watch another movie and have dinner ... he said ok... but i waited for him to suggest a place. silent. i went to change, came back , he was still at the screen... i asked again... he said dunnoe... i was disappointed... all i wan was where to eat... we quarrels.. and we tried to give in... i called my brother and asked him to have supper together... but we quarrel again... he took his bag , wanting to leave... i stopped him... we stand behind the door and we quarrel... i told him, either u stayed back, or u walked out and that's the end of us. he didnt want to walk out, but i push open the gate and he left... i stopped him at the lift ... he came out and we are suppose to talk.. but i dropped the key and i ran off... i dunnoe why i ran off... i just wan to be alone..

i hide behind the wall at the carpark and i wonder if he came after me... something i will never know... i look at the scar on my hand and i asked myself... why does it hurt so much.... why cant we love and cherish the time we have... why must things turned out this way ... why.. i return... and the key was on the wall...

i called him... he asked me where i was... he still cares. but i told him i feel like ending everything.. he told me to stop... i smsed him... i told him maybe i wasnt the girl for him because i have a bad temper...

but then i didnt mean what i said..

but the next morning, on our 23rd months, he asked for a break. i beg him not to. but this time was different.. really different... i could feel it. he begged me to let him go... i know i have to let him go , because he was suffering. he was suffering because of our love for each other.

our simple and sweet love has turned into a suffering for both of us.

i know that he cried real hard and i cried real hard too.

i called everyone i could and talk to them

everyone asked me to wait... especially his family... so i waited.

in between i smsed him, emailed him and hope that he will be back.

My email to him:

Haw,

對不起， 我知道錯了。。。 我知道現在的你， 不想聽我的電話。。。 不想看到我。。。

I know it’s hard on you too… I am sorry, I regretted quarreling with you… these two days I reflected a lot. But not enough to make you forgive me… I promise I will change, not for you, but for myself… cause I never wanted to take the person I love for granted again… Now that I think back. I feel really silly for going back to see if there’s a camera… you are right, its not going to change anything… whenever I am confused and lost. You are always here for me.. Always.. I know I relied on you too much that you are tired… I am sorry, I will be independent for now… =) and I promised myself such things will never happen again =)

When you didn’t pick up the call, I know you are still upset with me…

I keep crying, but I know crying wont bring you back to me…

I know it may takes a long time for you to return to me… But 我會等你。。。 一定會。。。 if you still remember what I said before, I am really happy,,, if not, I want to let you know again that you are the one whom I want to spend my life with… and I hope I am still the one you want to spend your time with too.

When you told me that day that you and kok xiong chatted till 5am about your future… I did up a future path for our 2 years anniversary… I never really asked about the plan you shared with kok because I am happy enough that I am inside… And I hope I will still be in it in the future 。。。 I want to be your wife at 28 =)

I know its been hard on you, having to manage your time between work, family, friends and me… I am sorry, I should have been more understanding… I know you are tired.. very tired.. to the extreme that you can no longer handle anymore.. I know giving up this relationship is the only thing that can make you less stress… You said that something is hard to change… and we didn’t keep the promise we make to each other… I really learnt my lesson… really.. I know its hard for you to believe that I will change, I will kick away the bad temper.. I know you will not want me to change… but yet, I am willing to change, willing to improve because I too, have promised you before that we will be together... I dun want us to give up so easily because what we have is not just a relationship… but a future with me and you in it… and I know it’s hard too, to change our love for each other…

I know, you are very serious this time… the way you talk to me, but deep in my heart… I know you still love me… a lot. I really hope you will think about it again… even if you have to take a year… I will still wait for you…

I finally understand that different people have different way of expressing love, and maybe some people way of expressing love is thru physically contact. I am angry with myself because me too, now, want to give you a big big hug to express my love for you too… sorry that I didn’t show it earlier…

You are correct, whenever I have disappointment, my whole face will show it =( I promise I wont again , I will try my best to return you the cheerful xiao xue =) Maybe you will not see it now… but be it for you or for myself… I wanna kick this bad habit too =) because you are not the first person who said it to me… all along, I did not face up to my own flaws… now that I reflected, I seems to have lots of flaws..

During the CNY visit, I told kang that I never ever want an ex in JBK… meaning I hope that me and you never had to break up… I know, no matter what I say now, you may not want to listen, may not want to believe me… but I will wait for you =)

I KNOW I AM PLAIN SILLY FOR TAKING THE CARD BACK… Now I want u to know what I wrote…

Dear Dear!

Happy 2011 Valentine’s Day!

1,2,3… its our third valentine’s Day together!

I hope for the rest of the valentine day. We will spend it together as well =D Be it as boyfriend and girlfriend… husband and wife, daddy and mummy , Grandpa and Grandma… I hope we spend all of it together… so I hope we will really cherish the time together… No quarrels, no sadness, but smiling faces together! 加油 for your work! But please, take really good care! You know how easily worried I get… I will jiayou in my job search too! Hope I pass today interview with lots of confidence!

Big hugs & love haw,

Please don’t be upset anymore okay? I know you will cried as badly as me… 我們把這一次當是一個 lesson… 好嗎？ You dun have to reply me… if you have to take a day, a week , a month or even a year.. I will wait for you.. nini , girl girl will wait for you too… my family too, will wait for you to be part of the family again… cause each and everyone love you too =)

我會等你。。。 不管多久， 我都會， 因為我相信我們的愛是堅定的！

會一直愛你的小雪

i wanted to wait because i love him.

26 feb 2011.

i went to a wedding lunch. it was really sweet... and i miss him alot alot. i called him , i planned to visit him at work. i bought the caterpillar bread he love from four leaves and a herbal tea for him... i wanted to place it at his car and leave.. but i couldn't find his car... i walked till i felt pain on the feet... but i just wanna place the stuff and go. it was really dark and it was scary.

but then came his sms.

when i say break up, i really meant it. not chance in getting back. please go back and move on.

i cried badly.

but i somehow deserve it... wasn't it?

I was the one who quarrel with him and asked for a breakup.

but it was really painful.

Regrets.

i regret not giving him kisses, hugs and everything he asked for. i pushed him away when he tried to disturb me... i regret throwing my temper on him. i regret being harsh on him. i regret going back to check if there's a red light camera, i regret not helping him paint his house, i regret and regrets.

but regrets cant turn back time. never and never.

but smile because it happens.

smile because we love each other.

smile because we once hugged

smile because we once kissed

smile because we went to many places as a couple

smile because we get to spend two years together

but i cried instead. because it was just too hard to accept.

i cried because i could no longer hold him ... cried because he is leaving my future.. cried because i regrets... cried because he said that our love is no longer there.

雪很後悔， 為甚麼我們的愛會成為他的負擔。 為甚麼再一起的時候不珍惜，到了最後才來後悔。。。

我等你。 因為我們的愛值得等待。

你會回來嗎？